“Lord, Send a Revival and Let it Begin with Me”
Hmm…so I wondered…Why am I doing this to myself? I’m so tired every single day. I wake up between 4-5am everyday thinking, “Here we go again” Sigh. Everything seemed like a pain in the neck. Every movement seemed like a chore. Waking up, getting ready for work. It slowly started becoming routine. Whatever happened to the passion that led me this far?
I remember once I had a conversation with a 16-year old and we talked about her goals in life. She was so precise. She seemed to have it all figured out. I was so impressed. Then I asked myself silently if I could clearly outline my own life that way and realized that I couldn’t. When I was 12 years old, I could have told you everything I wanted to accomplish- career goals, plans for a family etc, with a time table. But at some point, I seemed to lose it all. Or did I just forget?
Like an answer to my question, an attending physician at work approached me and asked “Where are you from?” When I replied Nigeria, it seemed something shifted in him. He went ahead to discuss how thinking of Nigeria, Congo and Haiti (his home country) always broke his heart. Curious I asked him to explain. He talked about how Nigeria had the potential to be one of the richest countries in the world- how we have so many resources but are plagued with corruption and mismanagement. Of course this wasn’t news to me. The unique part was that my country’s issues broke the heart of a Haitian.
He asked me if I planned to return to Nigeria. I said yes, but not anytime soon. “I want to return as an asset and not a burden.” Then he asked what I wanted to do career-wise. I’m training to become a surgeon but I haven’t decided what subspecialty. He replied, “Well whatever you decide, when you are done with your training here, you will be an asset!!”
I had a recent meeting with my program director and she referred me back to my personal statement where I had written about becoming a leader in health issues in Nigeria. Needless to say, I started some self-reflection. I reread my own personal statement…wow, it made me sound like a star-in-the-making. (Amazing the things you write about yourself when you are trying to get employed.) I called my parents and they psyched me up. Random people started saying encouraging things to me. And then I started to feel like Nigeria itself- an entity with tremendous potential but little drive for excellence.
I started to remember things I had left half-done on undone for different reasons. A recent phone conversation with a friend revolved around self-reflection, and constant self improvement. Remembering lessons from past experiences without dwelling on mistakes. I stumbled on texts that hypothesized on the purpose of earthly life. An N4C admin called for a meeting and we had a phone conference. For a while it seemed everything around me was pointing me back to the beginning, back to the reason, back to the initial fire behind most of my endeavors. It felt like a revival. And so I prayed, “Lord, send a revival and let it begin with me!”
My point is it’s easy to forget the initial reason for the things we do. It’s easy to fall into a routine and forget the purpose for your actions. It’s helpful to self-reflect and ask yourself why you do the things you do. Keep the big picture in mind. N4C’s big picture is changing Nigeria for the better. If you are reading this I assume you have a similar goal in mind. Don’t lose your passion. Bring the spark back and rekindle that fire. You are not alone. We are UNITED for change.